Something Interesting

Well I had an interesting night last night. To say the least. And while it was something I have done before, this time was different. Like it made me realize something more about myself. I found it odd though.

So here's what happened. I was out with some friends, and after the movie it was still kinda early and we were bored. Well out of ideas, we decided to go to a strip club. Nothing new for me. I actually enjoy going. But this time was different. I mean the point of a place like that is to get you stimulated sexually right? Naked women all around dancing and moving provocatively. Should get you going right? Well not me last night. As I sat there watching, I was studying them. Studying their body, their form, the way they move. I mean, yeah, I was attracted to them. But I more wanted to be like them than to have them all over me.

Even when I was getting a private lap dance. Seeing her pussy in my face, I wanted one. I want to know what it feels like to have one. I did not get hard at all. I kinda felt bad for her too. I mean she was trying real hard, and I know she could prolly tell I was not hard, grinding all over me like that. I just kinda sat there, there was enjoyment in my face, but it was not sexual enjoyment. It was enjoyment of getting to see a human form that I would love to have, have it move over another human form as I would love to do. I guess you could say during the dance I was just envisioning myself as her. Doing that dance to another guy.

I've never had that happen before where I didn't get hard from those thoughts though. I mean I normally get really horny when I start seeing women like that, in those situations. Last night was really strange for me. I enjoyed it, but in a different way than one would normally enjoy a trip to a place like that.

Sometimes I think my head is so fucked up...

Then again, maybe it's not. If I gained anything from last night, it's that I really do have a desire to be female, that it's something more than just a simple fantasy. It really fucking messes with me. It IS a desire that my whole body feels.

Questions, thoughts, comments? Post 'em below or email me. :)