Rough Day

I had a really rough day today. Days like this make me really want to leave my male body behind and trade it in for the female one I desire.

My job requires a lot of physical labor, which I hate. I mean it is good in a sense because I have lost alot of weight because of it, but it gets me so damn worn out. I know, I know, find a new job. Believe me I am looking.

But because of this job I come home and just dream about being female, that if I were female I would not have to do all this tiring labor. That maybe if I were female, I may not even have a job at all, but be a wife by now. One who takes care of the house, the kids. And even if I did have a job it would prolly be less demanding on the body, less stressful... I don't know, wishful thinking I guess.

Days like this also make me just want to be a girl and crawl into my lovers arms and tell him all about my rough day. I want to put my arms around his neck and lean my head on his shoulder and just sit like this for hours. I just want some one to hold me and never let go. Sigh...

Right now in my state of mind I do not feel very male, I feel like my outside does not match the inside. Like if my body were female on the outside, it would match how I feel inside right now. Its very hard for me to explain this. I never tried explaining it before, I just know that right now I wish I was a girl. I would feel more like me, more like how my mind feels, if that makes sense. Its weird too because this is a case where I envision myself as a woman and am not turned on by it, I see that thought, that vision, that picture in my mind and think that is who I am, nothing sexual about it, kinda like that is the body I am supposed to have. Sigh...

So I am feeling tired and worn out and a bit depressed. My music is keeping me sane and will help me, as it always does. Tomorrow I will be better, but the thoughts stay. I'll wake up tomorrow, like every other time, and still wish to be a girl. I think about it alot on days like this and the memories linger into the next day. Sigh...

Thoughts, questions, comments? Post them below or feel free to email me at isobellenichole@gmail.com