Friday, July 31, 2015

Checking In

So it has been nearly two years since I have wrote anything. I guess a lot has happened in that time. And I guess a lot has happened recently that has inspired me to write again.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind currently is the fact that I'm getting married later this year. I never imagined myself ever reaching this point in life. I never thought I would find a person in my life that I would want to say, "yes I want to be with you for the rest of my life." But yet at the same time I question myself if this is the right thing to do.

I met her nearly two years ago and she has been a person that really changed my life. She has become  my best friend. She gave me a reason to live for and saved me from a destructive path that I was going down. And for a time this side of me was gone. But it has came back. Just like I always said, it will never go away. I thought maybe it would, but it did not. I struggle every day to wake up and be "the man" the world and my loved ones see me as.

The part of me that is Isobelle has come back. But I'm not sure if "part of me" is the right term. I wonder more and more if "is me" is the right term.


  1. That's amazing news!! I wish you and your future wife all the best sweetie!!

  2. I am so glad for you! Having someone to share the ups and downs in life with, someone to trust, makes a huge difference.

    I am a little bit worried about this sentence, though: "I struggle every day to wake up and be 'the man' the world and my loved ones see me as."

    I do not think any transgender person has managed to do this, ever. Those of us who do not transition will have to find ways of playing our role, so to speak, but we never become that person.

    Which is why I hope you have at least given your fiancee a glimpse into your other self. Because it may be hard to keep this a secret from the world, but it is even harder to keep this hidden from your sole mate and fellow soldier.

    And yes, I speak from experience. My life is much better know that my wife knows, and I believe hers is as well.

    1. I worry about that too. Its so hard to find an equilibrium. But I'm slowly revealing Isobelle to her. She seems accepting so far, which is good. And also thank you for the congrats.