Writing Again

It feels good to write again. I think sharing my thoughts will help me through this stage of my life. I still can't believe that I have fallen in love and was even brave enough to ask for her hand in marriage. What I can't believe even more is that I am opening up to her more and more the side of me that is Isobelle.

She seems very understanding and accepting so far. She even caught me wearing her panties the other day and did not freak out. I explained that I have a curiosity but I did not tell her the whole truth. I've been slowly letting on to that.

And I do think she suspects something. Who could blame her. After all it wasn't long after we were together that I did tell her about my curiosity in how the other gender has sex. She suprized me though by saying we should get me some anal beads. She said that was the best way she could help me experience sex as a woman.

It only fueled my curiosity more. It only made me want to experience sex as a woman even more. I so envy her. I want to know what its like for someone to be inside of me. Often during sex I visualize myself as her. My man on top, my breasts bouncing up and down, his every attention given to bringing me pleasure.

I struggle because I love her but can't bring myself to fully come out to her. I know that I must and have come close several times. It is hard.

Checking In

So it has been nearly two years since I have wrote anything. I guess a lot has happened in that time. And I guess a lot has happened recently that has inspired me to write again.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind currently is the fact that I'm getting married later this year. I never imagined myself ever reaching this point in life. I never thought I would find a person in my life that I would want to say, "yes I want to be with you for the rest of my life." But yet at the same time I question myself if this is the right thing to do.

I met her nearly two years ago and she has been a person that really changed my life. She has become  my best friend. She gave me a reason to live for and saved me from a destructive path that I was going down. And for a time this side of me was gone. But it has came back. Just like I always said, it will never go away. I thought maybe it would, but it did not. I struggle every day to wake up and be "the man" the world and my loved ones see me as.

The part of me that is Isobelle has come back. But I'm not sure if "part of me" is the right term. I wonder more and more if "is me" is the right term.