Friday, April 6, 2012

Family Can Be Cruel

It is very true, and especially so after spending the evening with my family.

All in all in was a very nice evening. Spending time with family for the Easter holiday is always nice. We went out to dinner then went back to my parents house to spend time together. As we all sat in the living room, someone turned the TV on and then it was decided that we would all play a game. What game is irrelevant, it is what was on the TV that this is all about.

Now we left the TV on, as background noise, but I was glad it was left on. The channel was on ABC and 20/20 had just started. Now normally I really don't care about what's on TV and have only seen 20/20 maybe a handful of times in my life, but tonight I wanted to see it. Tonight they were airing the interview with that trans woman from Canada who was banned from the beauty pageant. Because it related to me in some way, I just wanted to see it. I felt I had to.

So as the game went on, I payed attention to and got involved in it, but the majority of my attention was to the television. Now at some point, someone I forget who (because of what was said following), pointed out what was going on on TV. They said they remembered hearing about her and quickly most everyone else recognized the story as well. It was at this point I had hope. Hoping that something nice, compassionate, or open-minded would have come out of somebody's mouth. That hope was short lived.

Everybody in the room either made fun of her, said she was gross, or that she was wrong, or laughed at her, or said she deserves not to be able to compete, or said she's not a real woman, and so on and so on. I was completely ashamed of my family. I just sat there in silence as I felt my heart sink. I wanted to cry, I really did. Perhaps I should have said something in her defense, but I didn't. I felt very outnumbered with all the close-mindedness in the room. Like I said, I wanted to cry. I was hurt at their reactions.

People can be very cruel indeed.


  1. wow that awful hun. huggg. see hun, THAT is why i live in stealth. hugs, Sedra.

  2. Same stuff, happened to me but we where at lunch and watching TV... at first my parent didn't know what they were talking about and even pointed how pretty she was... until the news said it was a transgender person. I can only realize now, how their opinions changed in a blink. But I defended that woman, she is on her own right, and very pretty too :)

    Hugs and Kisses Alectra

  3. @ Alectra: She is very beautiful. And very brave aswell.

    @ Sedra: I think she was pretty much living in stealth until some one outted her.

    I think it is crazy how quick people are to judge. If they hadn't known she was trans they would have continued to treat her like any other woman.

  4. now a similar thing happened to me. Actually many of times, as my family can be so closed minded and insensitive at times. they don't recognize gays as being normal people. and they certainly don't sympathize for transgender people. I sometimes would image my own horror if i ever did decide to become transgender myself. They would have a heart attack!! I remember numerous accounts where they have been so insensitive towards people like of the gay/lesbian/transgender community. A long time ago we went on a walk at a national cultural center located just a few 20 miles from where I leave where they have old Spanish structures still in use. I was fairly young at the time. Not too far off there's a dog park and we were there just enjoying the dogs playing and the person adjacent to us was also leaning in to watch. Turns out that this person was a sort of Cross-dresser i suppose as I tried not to pay to much attention to him as I only did notice right after my dad and my brother were heckling her and sarcastically saying how beautiful she was. I was mortified and at the time was too young to have done or said anything about and haven't even at the time considered myself as part of the "community" I suppose. I did nothing and looked at her and noticed it was somewhat a she but didn't really register as what gender she was, as all I saw was just a person. this was my own feelings and ideals at that point, no one elses. I even remembered trying to memorize what she looked like. I guess so I would someday bump in to her and tell her sorry. But sorry for what? Sorry for how my family treated you and laughed at you. Hasn't happened yet. I remember my mom saying something pertaining to religion and found her scary and disgusting.

  5. This is just recently. I was sitting eating dinner with my family and on the local news, in the gay district they were holding some sort of fundraising thing for something. Cant remember for what. All that I remember was the coordinator was this blond lady who looked a bit peculiar. in my head couldn't really come to a conclusion as to why I thought that. Turns out she was a transgender person. I felt a bit guilty on my part for looking at her face so puzzled. My mom with her constant ignorance towards things that show up on the tv exclaims, "Huh!! What is that! Is that a man or a woman!!? HUh!! what is THAT!? Huh!!" So fucking annoying... I didn't defend the lady, didn't want to be left out of the defense on account of what i have no control over of what come on the TV. I just nodded my head in disappointment and continued eating my dinner.

  6. Not to long ago, also. Same setting eating dinner and keep in mind I don't want to be in the same place as my entire family, I never converse or share any conversations. the TV was on and this time it wasn't on the local news but on the Mexican news. Well every so often they hold like a dateline type session of the show where they go into something by some journalist. This time it was going to be about a tragic story about a woman in Mexico who went transgender and came out like a monster. I immediately felt saddened as I saw what had happened to her. I didn't want to watch. it was going to come on later, tonight at 8. I was almost done eating and would leave immedietly. I got to only watch the opening of the show as they went into how it all happened. I hate to say that she was hideous, and for that reason I was so saddened for her, to be confined to a life of repulsiveness and shame. my dad and my brother had no comment, all they did was scoff in disgrace. My mom however attributes it to being a perverted sick nature of all gays and transgenders. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I only wanted to cry only to mourn at an unfair world. later in the show as i accidently got to catch the ending of it as i returned to the kitchen to get something. the transgender had a message for all of he viewers out there who are thinking of transforming---Don't do it! It will ruin your life.

  7. Still haunts me till this day.
    I have been to the gay district many of times and had seen only but one who looked like someone who was transgendering. I have seen at the goth club I go to three cross-dressers. One I'm not quite sure if really classified as a cross-dresser, but either way still counts in my part. I usually am left dancing with myself on the dance-floor and have noticed every time, the same guy in cute girl clothes dancing minding her own business. A lot of the goers do that, and they do so because you can be yourself. He usually come dressed in the same thing; black spaghetti strap top, short(short) pin-stripped skirt, and black and white stripped stockings with either sneakers or boots. I have, multiply, wanted to come up and tell her how awesome i think she is and how cute i think she looks, and how beautiful i think she looks. I have expressed very little my my gf about this person. there are many "characters" who come to the club and she was the first one to point him out to me. I really honestly didn't pay attention until she asked me if i noticed it. I was like, "Oh! She kinda looks more like a girl to me! lol!" One time we brought her best friend who happens to be gay to join us. He thought it was gross and scary! wft! How can you--- ah, nevermind... I believe that at that same night i expressed what I previously had been thinking about her to my gf. She had no comment, just a positive nod. I don't know, one of these days im planning on going alone and if the time is right and if she's there I might just muster up the courage to tell her all what I think about her.

    Wow... sorry for the long, long comment!
    take care girl!
    Tina <3!

  8. Thanks for sharing all that Tina, it was really insightful and it really did build off what I said and what Alectra said. :)

  9. I am sorry to read about that, I am currently on my journey to find myself too and have found that family can be unpredictable. Some of my family seem supportive, others oblivious, and some like my dad, completely abusive. Stay true to who you are and things will work out. We don't pick our family, but we can pick our friends and support group systems.

  10. Very truthful words and thanks. :)

  11. Isobelle, I think all of us have had this happen, myself included. Not so much at home, but at work. I have made it a point now to correct those who I hear make disparaging comments about trans folks. It's the right thing to do. I think I blogged about it once. I had overheard laughing and jokes involving a story on television about a trans person. I did nothing then, but vowed to never ignore comments like that in the future.

    I am over a year late in posting this comment. I do hope you're OK. This is the most recent post I have in my reader. You had been blogging for about three years and seemed to have stopped cold with this post. I've seen too many bloggers disappear without a trace, and I always fear the worst.

    Calie xx

  12. I assure you I am fine. I've just been "away" from this part of my life for a while now. Things happened which made me focus on other parts of my life, particularly family and friends. And even though I have not blogged or posted anything in some time, I still have the same feelings about everything, and I still try to check in from time to time with people. :)