In This Moment

So I just got home and I feel like writing a little bit. I suppose its because of the feelings I had tonight. I got to see a pretty awesome band again, In This Moment. I've seen them two times prior, but lately their music has just gotten so much better. But what really got my attention the most was their singer Maria Brink. She was just so sensual on stage, so sexy (not to mention she was dressed in latex lol). As I watched her I had a very deep attraction to her. Not in a sexual way, but in a way that I wanted to be her. To have her voice, her body, her position of power of fronting a band, to wear what she got to wear... These feelings flooded me as I watched their set.

A picture I took tonight. I just feel so weird being at show or something and being around my friends and the attraction they have for women is not the same as my own. Physically we are both males but mentally we are entirely different.

And although those feelings were hard to deal with (especially while being at a show surrounded by thousands of people), the past month or so has been quite awesome musically. I went to Mayhem Fest and got see Rob Zombie, The Butcher Babies (that was another hard one with similar feelings that I had with In This Moment), Amon Amarth, Emmure, Five Finger Death Punch, and one of my all time favs, Machine Head! Tonight I saw In This Moment, Papa Roach, and Shinedown. And just two weeks ago I got to once again see a person who I feel has been the biggest influence on me musically (aside from maybe James Hetfield of Metallica), Max Cavalera. Seeing Soulfly again was just amazing (made more awesome by seeing them in a small local venue that I myself have played on around ten times), and then seeing them play some of my favorite Sepultura songs was beyond exciting! If anybody out there knows what I'm talking about, seeing Max belt out Refuse/Resist, Arise, Dead Embryonic Cells, and Roots Bloody Roots, is enough to make you wet!

But I revert back to In This Moment currently because they are on my mind. I would so love to be her. And so glad that they played this song...

An Update

Hey all out there in blog-land. I just want to let all of you know (at least those who are interested or who have followed me in the past), that I am fine and doing alright. My absence was brought on by several personal issues that I needed to deal with and my attention was focused on them. Mainly the illness and passing of my mother several months back. That was very hard for me because I looked up to her and her very being gave me much of my strength. She was a person who was a very instrumental part of my life, and to see what she went though, and then to lose her, was a great blow to me. If you have ever had a loved one go through cancer, you know how I feel. Fortunately I have several very good friends who stood by my side through it all, and it was because of their love and care that I had the strength to weather this storm.

I am not gone, I have not forgotten about the online tg community, and I certainly have not changed any of my thoughts on my true self in life (that of a woman and not of a man). I have just found it hard to express myself, perhaps a writers block if you will, over the past several months. I have been trying to get over it, but I make no promises. Although I do miss being apart of things.

In the end, life will find a way. That is my hope for now.