I was really excited to hear that a forum site had been established with the intent to specifically talk about crossdreaming. I thought this would be a good place to learn, grow, and talk with others about our experiences and such. I was hoping this would be a place of positivity and understanding.
I was dead wrong. The intent is good, unfortunately a few bad eggs spoil the whole thing. At first is seemed good. There were positive people, a couple I've talked with before. My hopes were up at this point because I really thought this would be an interesting site. Nope.
I tried posting a few times only to have nearly everything I said torn apart. Now I've spent nearly my whole life tearing apart my own beliefs and ridiculing myself, I don't need somebody else doing that as well to me. I understand that to have your ideas and beliefs tested is the best way for you to really see if you agree with them or not, but I don't need it on that level. I can understand a friendly challenge or disagreement, but trying to cut down what I'm saying is not necessary and it sure doesn't help at all.
Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I just don't understand people. Maybe trying to take everything I've been dealt in life and make it as positive as I can is wrong in some way. Maybe I should never have thought that there are indeed decent and nice people out there. Maybe I never should have opened myself up. Maybe I never should have thought I could have a constructive conversation about a controversial subject.
Honestly I don't fucking care. Why should I? I try to be nice. I try to get along. I try my damnedest to be accepting of people and see their viewpoints. What happens? I usually meet an asshole somewhere that only cares for themselves and gets off on making others feel like shit.
You can call me a quitter, a whiner, whatever you can think of. I've heard them all. You won't hurt my feelings. I am not going back to that site though. At least not until the overall atmosphere is that of a positive one and people there learn to respect the beliefs of others and not bash everything that is said with false contradictions.
I choose not to associate myself with negativity on a subject that I am trying so very hard to figure out and live with in a way that will bring happiness to my life.
Isobelle, I do not know the particulars of course, but can certainly empathize with you on this. It is hardly quitting to simply brush yourself off and move on when a place is 'not to your liking'.
ReplyDelete"I try my damnedest to be accepting of people and see their viewpoints."
I have a feeling you don't have to try to be accepting. Some of us have a personal history that has taught us lessons that make it impossible for us to judge others; it is just the way we are.
I do not believe the "asshole somewhere that only cares for themselves and gets off on making others feel like shit." is a default position. Folks like that have been hurt and are lashing out for some reason.
Having said that, we cannot hope to fix everyone else, and these sort don't appreciate the effort. Thus, the need to just move on.
Don't give up on everyone. Try to take people one at a time, as hard as that is.
Hugs,
Halle
Haters gonna hate.
ReplyDeleteThey don't have to live your life. YOU do. So you do what you need to in order to be happy and fulfilled. If it doesn't fit their image of what you should be, that's THEIR problem to solve.
No one is allowed to tell you your feelings are wrong. Everyone gets the facts wrong at times, but they don't have the same experiences as you; they don't have to feel what you feel; they don't get to judge your choices.
Find what makes you happy and go for it.
I'm quite aware of said individual and have exchanged private messages with him. I feel that there's something else going on with him as well, but he frustrates the hell out of me.
ReplyDeleteHe reminds me of an individual who I met when I was an outpatient program for depression. In his first day, this bipolar individual was in a manic stage, which I had never seen before. Everyone in my group (and later groups) had negative reactions to him, such as high levels of anxiety, which I myself had not experienced before. But that's not the point. He was suffering as well from something that we all knew to an extent. We all had those lows and were at the place to get better. Now, what happened to him is another story, but it doesn't matter because these two are similar in such that we understand the problems that they have experienced in their lives since we have similar afflictions, but they don't know how to adequately manage their actions. What can we do? Kick them out? They have the same right to be there.
My suggestion, as terrible as it is, would to be to ignore him and the rabblerousers that annoy you. Because quite honestly, they don't fully know what their actions say. I see someone who thinks he's under control when he is not. Of course, that is more of the judging thing that we're not supposed to do, but that's what I do and what I see. These people have a right to be where they belong, no matter how much of an annoying ass they seem to be.
Anywho, I hope to see you on the forums again sometime. If not, I know where you are.
r.r.
Also, there is an option on the forum which is called "Add Foe". this allows you to block seeing any person's posts that you put on the foes list. Now, its not like it solves much, but it makes reading the forums much easier.
ReplyDelete@ Halle: Thanks
ReplyDelete“Folks like that have been hurt and are lashing out for some reason.”
I know that is the true reason why they do what they do. It’s just when you hear or read what they say they come off like that and it is something they might not even be aware of. I know somewhere buried deep in them is a heart. Unfortunately for them and the rest of the world, that heart rarely ever sees the light of day.
“Don't give up on everyone. Try to take people one at a time, as hard as that is.”
I’m not going to give up on everyone. This has not been the first time I have encountered an individual like this and it certainly will not be the last. I will keep trying.
@ Life In Neon: Thanks. And I know.
@ R. Reichert: I understand what you are trying to say, but I also have a right to respect as a human being. That is why I voluntarily left.
I saw right away that this individual does not show any concern for others nor does this person show any respect for the opinions of others. This individual did not follow the established rules of the forum. At least I feel this way. And because of this I will not return until this individual either tones down the aggressiveness or is gone completely. What happens is up to the moderators of the forum. It is up to them if they allow this person ruin the site or do something about it so that others are not turned away when they came to have their voice heard and be welcomed with open arms. I choose not be in a place that allows this behavior.
You did the right thing hun, if someone doesn't accept you just for being who you are, then there is no point of changing yourself to make happy others, that would change you and deep inside you would make you sad, people have to understand each others as who we are, not make a fantasy with ourselves, because that would be very bad for us.
ReplyDeleteAnyway as i said you took the better option just because a moron doesn't like you just being you, doesn't make him a better person that makes him just a moron.
Hugs and kisses Alectra
Thank you for that Alectra.
ReplyDeleteI've had my share of problems with the crossdreaming/tg community forums. I am sorry you're having a similar experience. Frankly I've met dozens of people unsatisfied with the pro-bullying approach of the current regime of forums. They are confused about what is acceptable freedom of expression and what is inappropriate content.
ReplyDeleteI had to leave those websites because even after the bullying had ceased, I was left with the knowledge that their inaction supported the bullying, and according to other accounts, they continue to do so.
There is so much infighting among the community. Crossdreamers, TG vs TS, crossdressers, yadda yadda. I'm bullied more from the community than I am by cisgender straight white guy.
Why would anyone criticize you or I for our choices? Life in Neon is right, h8ters gonna h8.
You're a superstar, so am I. We have to make sure we don't let people dim our own brightness.
http://bubblepopmei.blogspot.com/
Thank you Mei.
ReplyDeleteYou are not overreacting and I am sorry about this. Crossdream Life is to allow for open and frank discussions but not for abuse.
ReplyDeleteThe participant has now been banned from the forum.
Thank you Jack. You have restored some faith and confidence. I appreciate that mine and everyone else's concerns were addressed. It is unfortunate that the solution was on that level, but that is the way things go sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAlso I would like to say I was a little surprised that you made a post on Crossdream Life about my post here. I felt I had an overall negative tone in what I wrote, that is why I posted this venting on my blog and not on the forum site. I did not want to breed more negativity there.
I quoted you post over at Crossdream Life to make sure other members understood the seriousness of the situation.
ReplyDeleteYes, we have to be patient and understand the suffering of other crossdreamers, which is also why we let him go on for a while, adding warnings and recommendations in the process. But seriously, we have enough pain as it is. We deserve a place where we not only give respect, but receive it as well.
I am so glad to have you back!