Where am I Now?

So it's been forever since I posted anything on any of my blogs, I know. I was sorta taking a break from this stuff. It had gotten to a point where things were just overwhelming I guess you could say. I had to step away and just clear my mind so I could figure things out a bit. I did not totally close myself off from this world though. I was still around over at TF-Media, but it was basically just chatting with my friends over there. The break was worthwhile though, I did figure some things out.

I still have strong feelings of wanting to be female but at this point in my life it is not going to happen. I let that desire almost overcome me. I have to keep it in control. There were days where I would like put myself in a depressed, or down state of mind because I wanted to be a woman right then and there but was not, could not physically be that. I realized that there is no sense in dwelling that deep on it if it is not going to happen at the current state of my life. Yes it would be nice, but right now it must remain just a fantasy, a desire within me, one that will not see me doing anything to change my body right now. And it's not just financial issues, or the family/friends thing, I think I still need more time o think it through, more time to figure myself out more. So my feelings on this are still the same, I have no idea where it will take me in the future, but for now, I will still be male. But I am happy with this.

Things in my life have sorta turned to a positive angle on things. New job, more good friends, and the thoughts that winter is half over and spring will be here before we know it always brightens my spirits. Winter here just is terrible. I hate cold. I long for warm sunny days. They will be here soon. But these things have taken my mind off of my desire. Again I am happy with this. You cannot go through life and not live it, even if you are not what you desire to be, still go out there and live life in whatever way you can. I have been doing that alot lately, just living life how it is right now. Sure I still think life would be better as a female, but I have to take what I have right now and make the most of it.

And just because I am in a happy state where things are right now doesn't mean I will stop making captions or stop exploring this side of me. It is too big a part of me for it to just go away or be silent. I have made a good number of captions over my little break and am still making them, so expect to see new ones through out February and into March every couple of days. And I am still exploring, but I am staying positive about it and not letting it get me down. I went back and re-read my last post here and I do have a big change in attitude and mood since then. I feel much more positive and I am looking at things more positively.

Thoughts, comments, questions? Post them here or email me at isobellenichole@gmail.com